


Three's A Crowd, Four's A Mess

by cecilia095



Category: New Girl
Genre: F/F, F/M, Foursome, Group Sex, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-29
Updated: 2015-12-29
Packaged: 2018-05-10 04:32:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,711
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5571335
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cecilia095/pseuds/cecilia095
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"You don't know how to have a four-way? It's so easy."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Three's A Crowd, Four's A Mess

**Author's Note:**

> Everyone wanted something a little kinkier, and although it's not my specialty nor my usual, I tried. :)
> 
> I know the request was for something Nick/Jess in regards to kink, and I'll get to it, I promise, but I've been itching to write something like this for awhile.
> 
> x

"I'm pretty sure they just call foursomes... well... a straight up _orgy_ ," says Cece.  
  
"I'm pretty sure they call them unattainable," jokes Nick, and oh, great, they're all laughing about this again. "Eighteen-year-old Schmidt would've creamed his maternity pants _thinking_  about having one."  
  
"And thirty-two-year-old Schmidt is keeping it cool, because he _cannot_ dirty his khakis."  
  
"Stop talking in first person before a foursome, Schmidt," says Jess, rolling her eyes as she plops herself down at the end of Nick's bed.  
  
"Why do we have to do it in _here_?" Cece asks, nose scrunched, joining her best friend on Nick's bed and yelping the second she sits down. "Um. What did I just sit on? Do I want to know?"  
  
Nick laughs. "Hey! I think you found my Skittles. Hand 'em over, woman."  
  
Cece pretends to gag and shakes her head. "Absolutely not. I'm not touching anything on this bed. Can't we do this in Jess's room?"  
  
"I _just_  got a new comforter, Ceec."  
  
Cece groans, and Nick says, "If you keep hating on my room so much, we're having a threesome - and we're gonna make you watch."  
  
Everyone is grossed out by that thought, and Nick waves a hand and quickly says, "Okay, no, we're not doing that, that's gross, you're still in. Four-way!"  
  
"Ew. Don't chant 'Four-Way' like that, Nick. That's so annoying."  
  
"I'm setting the mood, Jessica," he retorts. "Now take your top off."  
  
"You take _your_  top off, Miller."  
  
In between all the bickering, Schmidt's hunched over in the corner of Nick's room. His shirt is already all the way off and he's working on unbuttoning his pants. How the hell did no one notice? Schmidt doesn't play around.  
  
"What?" Schmidt asks defensively, shimmying as he lets his pants slide to his ankles. "Are you all just going to stare at me or are we gonna do this thing?"  
  
"' _Do this thing_ '? No. You can't call it, 'Doing this thing', Schmidt," Cece argues, her hands teasingly playing with the fabric at the bottom of her shirt. She keeps it on, though.  
  
"Cece, you're usually so good at taking your clothes off, what's the matter? Do you need me to help you?"  
  
Cece snickers and lifts her top off over her head. "I got it, thanks."  
  
"Do you?" Schmidt teases, and he makes his way over to Cece, grabbing at her bra with both hands and sliding it down her torso. "Just helping you get a head start, honey."  
  
Jess and Nick are on Nick's bed kind of... watching. Jess has no idea how she got roped into a four way with her ex-boyfriend and an engaged couple, but she did, and now here they are.

—

"Jess, you're the only one who's still clothed," Schmidt points out.

"Not true! Cece still has underwear on."

"That's  _because_ ," Schmidt starts, "you're going to take it off."

"Oh, no, I'm not - You should do that, Schmidt, that's all you," Jess says, her arms hugging her body as she sits Indian style on Nick's disgusting bedroom floor.

She's still got her bra on, and her skirt, and a pair of knee highs, too. She can't look any of her friends in the eye, because they're actually  _doing this_ ; they're actually all completely undressed on a floor that hasn't been vacuumed in months. Or ever. Does Nick even know how to vacuum? Jess shudders, and then she says, "Fine, I'll take off my bra, - but  _slowly_ ," she's sure to add, because Schmidt's eyes widen in excitement and impatience and - Is he checking her out?

"What are you looking at Schmidt?" Jess asks, regretting the fact that she unclasped her bra and let it slide down her waist. No going back now, Day.

"Your boobs, what else?" he says, wiggling his eyebrows.

"Ceec, are you  _sure_ you're okay with this? I mean, you're engaged and, I don't know, you hated sharing when we were kids."

Cece sighs, then leans over, - completely naked, remember? - and grabs one of Jess's shoulders. Jess is like, ninety-eight percent sure one of Cece's boobs just brushed up against her arm. "I don't hate this idea," she says, tugging down on her lip. "Schmidt and I want to spice up our sex life and neither you or Nick has been laid in like, years -"

"Two months ago for me," Nick interrupts, raising a hand. "Remember that girl from the bar? I did her."

"Say 'make love' please, Nicholas," Schmidt says with a snicker. 

"Coming from a dude who's about to have a four-way, nice," says Nick, rolling his eyes at Schmidt.

"The four-way that is taking  _years_ to begin," he says in annoyance, "because  _someone_  is being difficult - I'm looking at you, Jessica 'I Keep My Ridiculous Polka Dot Skirt On During Intercourse' Day. Take it off."

"What are any of  _you_ going to do about it?" Jess asks, burying her hands in her lap and shaking her head in refusal. 

Cece and Schmidt kind of shrug, but it's Nick who's all, "I don't know,  _this_?", and he leans over to Jess and pulls her skirt down by the waistband. She gasps, but she doesn't particularly hate it. "Sorry. Just trying to get this started."

Schmidt holds his hand out for a high five, and Nick reciprocates. "Nice one, my man!"

"Right?" says Nick, clearly too proud of himself. "I've been practicing."

"You don't  _practice_ for a four-way," Cece says, biting the inside of her cheek. "You just... do it."

—

They play card games to settle into the groove of things. War, as per Schmidt's suggestion, really gets things going. 

"Wait," Cece stops before putting down a card, "what does Winston think we're doing in here?"

Nick shrugs. "Watching a documentary about The Holocaust."

"That's... Whatever. He'll believe anything." Cece sets down her card, and then looks to the group. "Okay, Schmidt, you win this round."

"Good, so it's my turn to dare you guys, and I'm daring you," he says, narrowing his eyes at his fiancé, and then, at Jess. "And  _you_."

"W-What? Me?"

"That's right. Time to push those bangs back ladies."

Cece does it, pushes her bangs out of her face and stretches up off of the floor and inches in toward Jess. They've never kissed before, not like this. Maybe once, twice when they were thirteen years old and knowing how to French wasn't a thing yet. Jess remembers those. Sweet, tiny pecks on Jess's bed as  _Clueless_ played in the background. 

"Come on Jess, just kiss me," pleas Cece, and Jess nods - hesitantly. "What, am I ugly?"

Jess shakes her head. Cece's anything but. She leans into Jess and her boobs brush up against Jess's boobs, but they both try to ignore that when Cece plants her lips on Jess's. 

"I don't hate this," Nick says, watching on as he absentmindedly shuffles the deck of cards. Cece pulls away from Jess, takes a second to lose a hand on the back of her neck, and then goes in for seconds. "Yeah, I  _really_ don't hate this."

They kiss for a few more seconds, until Schmidt says, "And... time!", even though neither of the guys  _really_ wanted to call time. Cece pulls away from Jess and smacks her lips together, gathering her composure as if she and her lifelong BFF did not just suck face for over a minute.

"I better win the next round!" Cece says, snatching the deck of cards from Nick's hands. "I want a Nick-Schmidt kiss, stat."

—

There's liquor involved,  _of course_ there's liquor involved. They're on their third - (fourth?) - cup of Malibu Coconut Rum each, and soon the cards are too scattered all over the already messy floor, and they can't make a deck anymore. 

"You guys..." Schmidt starts, trailing off to lift his cup of rum to his mouth, taking a huge swig of it. He swishes it around in his cheeks until Cece yells, "Drink it, dummy!", and then he swallows. "You're all very - very aesthetically pleasing naked. Even you, Nicholas. I can  _almost_ see a two-pack peeking out somewhere - somewhere over there," he says, pointing to Nick's middle. Nick moves his arm out of the way and shrugs. "Wait, never mind, that was a shadow."

Cece's laying ass-down on Nick's floor, and everyone is just surprised she doesn't have rug burn yet. She grabs at Schmidt's cup and sips from it the second he puts it down, and then after she takes a sip, asks, "When does the real sex start?"

Everyone's already kissed tons of times. Some boob stuff. Things got weird when Nick dared Schmidt to feel up Jess, but whatever, they made it through. 

"Hold on, let me just..." Jess holds up a finger and grabs her phone from the floor. 

"What are you doing?" Nick asks, nosily leaning into Jess as she types away. He gets a look at the screen and bursts into hysterics. "Are you Googling, ' _How to have a four-way_ ' right now, Jess?"

Jess quickly locks her phone and throws it back down onto the floor. "No! What are you talking about?" 

"You don't know how to have a four-way? It's so easy."

"Oh, ha-ha, because you've had  _so_ many four-ways, Miller. Bite me."

Nick laughs. "I already did when Schmidt won War. Remember?"

Jess looks down at her right boob and places a hand over Nick's very apparent bite mark, which will  _definitely_ be a nasty bruise in a few hours. "I remember."

Jess's head is spinning. All of the Malibu Coconut Rum, she thinks, and when she rubs her lips together, she can taste it in her mouth. Along with Cece's kisses, and Schmidt's kisses, and Nick's kisses. 

Cece and Schmidt aren't paying attention. They're on their fifth cup, and - Is he seriously giving her a hickey right now? Whatever. Jess groans and looks at Nick. "This was a stupid idea. Can we take it back?"

Nick wrinkles his nose and whispers, "Schmidt's penis touched me. On my leg. Trust me Jessica, I wish."

—

If you've ever played a wild, super-intense, super-tangled game of  _Twister_  in the 90's, well...

Everyone's on Nick's bed now. For a second, Jess is draped over Cece, who's draped over Schmidt, who's got Nick underneath him. 

"Yeah, maybe this wasn't such a good idea," Schmidt mumbles. 

Cece's got her arms draped over his shoulders, and  _wait_ , is that Nick's hand on her ass, or Jess's? Whatever. "We're just not in a good position," she says, sitting upright. "Let's... readjust."

Readjust means Cece and Schmidt go at it like  _animals_ , and at the same time, Cece (confidently) inserts a finger into Jess, and  _whoa_ , are they really that drunk? Or are they like, actually into this?

Nick is kind of sitting on the side looking at Jess with wide eyes, and she just shrugs back at him. She's interrupted by her natural instincts, letting out a groan as Cece goes deeper and faster. "W-Whoa, um, okay Ceec, you -  _God_."

Is Nick a little turned on watching his former lover get fingered by her best friend as her fiancé fucks her? Absolutely. He licks his lips and blames his next move on all of the rum he drank tonight.

He ignores the fact that his leg is underneath  _Schmidt's_ and leans into Jess, confidently grabbing onto one of her breasts. She looks confused, and he feels like a  _dick_ , so before he does anything, he asks, "Is this okay?"

Jess laughs. "We're having a four-way, Miller. Just do it."

"Don't call me  _Miller_ before I grope your boobs, Jessica, call me Nicholas. It feels more formal."

"Oh, because a  _four-way_ is just the most formal act of sexual inter -  _Ahh_."

Jess shudders beneath whatever is going on between Cece and Schmidt, and Cece pulls her finger out from Jess. Jess is super wet down there, and only part of it has to do with Cece's actions. She leans into Nick and lets him go to town on her boobs, groaning each time his tongue teases her nipples. 

"Ugh. I forgot how good this feels," Jess says, only to Nick - or so she thinks.

"What? My hand on your ass?" asks Schmidt, still very much inside of Cece.

Jess grits her teeth. "Your hand is not on my ass, Schmidt!" 

"Oh. My bad, Dirty J."

"' _Dirty_   _J'_?"

"Yeah, it's my new name for you, do you like it?"

How the hell is he attempting to have a full conversation right now?

Cece grunts and says, "Pay. Fucking. Attention. Schmidt.", and then he does, and his hand is nowhere near Jess's ass.

—

It's been three hours and Jess can't un-see, or undo, or -  _God_. She's going to have to go to confession tomorrow, she really is.  _Father, please forgive me, for I have had a dirty, dirty four-way with three of my best friends, and I deeply regret that I don't really regret it_.

Cece and Jess go down on Schmidt at the same time.

Again with the: "Are you sure you don't mind sharing, Ceec?" "Jess, for God sakes,  _no_. You take one side, I take the other." "Penises don't have  _sides_ , Cecelia, they just have... penis!"

Nick watches with wide eyes, and he's sipping another cup of rum. Cece and Jess finish up and Schmidt comes, and that's all Cece, Jess backs away at that part.

"I've always wondered what Schmidt tastes like," says Nick, and Jess is next to him with a wrinkled nose and a, " _Really_?"

"I mean, Fresh Pressed Linens is kind of what I pictured, so."

"Yeah, I think we're done here," Jess says in disgust.

"Are we?" asks Nick, and he sets down his cup on the ground and just laughs when it spills over.

"Clean your room, Nick!" 

"Clean  _your_ room, Jessica!"

"My room is spotless. Your room is now a Den of Sin. Because we sinned.  _Hard_."

Nick doesn't say anything, just looks at his completely naked ex-girlfriend in front of him. She reaches for her unclasped bra on the floor and goes to put it on, until Nick grabs onto her wrist with a tug. "W-Wait," he says.

"Are you drunk?"

"Absolutely  _trashed_."

"Do - Do you want to kiss again?" She's biting down on her lip, partly because it's so numb from all the... you know, and partly because it'll drive Nick crazy, as if this night hasn't been crazy enough.

Nick just nods and leans into Jess, taking her cheeks in both hands and nipping at her upper lip. When he pulls away, he says, "You did good tonight, Jess, you know that?"

"Oh my God, what are you,  _grading me_ on my performance in a four-way? Shut up, Nick."

Her bra is still in her hands, but she drops it in his lap, then leans in and plants her mouth on his, her hands trailing down his torso and to his middle.

"Oh my God," Schmidt says with a gasp, hopping off of Nick's bed and grabbing his pants from the floor. "Didn't you guys have enough?"

"Seriously," adds Cece, eyes rolling as she searches for her bra and underwear on Nick's mess of a bed. "We're worn out. How are you two not?"

—

"Hey guys. You all look like  _shit_."

Cece: "Whatever."

Jess: "Thanks, Winston, thanks a lot."

Nick: "Yeah, but I always look like this, so."

Schmidt: "YOU LOOK LIKE _POOP_ WINSTON! I'm just kidding man, you're glowing. New moisturizer?"

"Actually..." Winston rubs his face and says, "How did you know? Anyway, how was your documentary last night? I don't know why y'all just didn't watch it in the living room, because Nick's TV is - Wait. Nick doesn't have a TV in his bedroom."

Cece yawns and grabs the plate of waffles Winston is holding in his hands from him. Jess just nonchalantly opens one of the cabinets and grabs a mug out. Nick asks, "Can you make me a crepe, dude?". Schmidt hums something under his breath and grabs the newspaper from the middle of the kitchen counter. 

"What the hell did you guys  _do_ last night, somethin' nasty?"

Silence.

"Wait. Y'all  _did_ do something nasty, didn't you?"

And... silence, lots of shifty eyes. Nick's back is sweating.

"THAT'S IT. I'M MOVING OUT. FOR REAL THIS TIME!"

More silence.

"...But was it fun?"


End file.
